I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
