I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
