dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize