I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
