so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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