dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
