if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
