I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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