Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize