Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
