I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize