He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
