So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
