I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Say something about gay babies.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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