he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
