she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize