ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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