Nicole vs. Life
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
