i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we're making bets on your personal life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
