I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
