Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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