____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
from now on my penis is your penis
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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