Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
