im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
