i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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