mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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