every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
