have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
