Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
