Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
