do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
