i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
