...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
