Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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