i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
