If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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