I like to think it a success when the cops are called
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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