i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
