I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
