I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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