Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
