Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
