You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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