Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
