I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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