i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
