I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The air taste purple.
Randomize