Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
