She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
