HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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