dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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