I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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