So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
