Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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