One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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