My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
