You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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