if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
