dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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