I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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