y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
