I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
