i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
