don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
