i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
