I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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