so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize