3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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