in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
