Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
