the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
