Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
