I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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