I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize