I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
