thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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