I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
