when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
