Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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