Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Someone came in the potted fern
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
