I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
