Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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