he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
