yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
