Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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