shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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