i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she pinky promised me she was 18
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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