After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize