I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
